Today's been quite busy, oh loyal blog readers. Between work, a brief critique for Julie Cross from Diary of an Unpublished Wannabe Writer, and incorporating edits that will result in Major Edit Three of CALLARION AT NIGHT, my brainpower is pretty much all sapped.
So yeah ... no actual blog post today, but I wanted to share some of my rewritten work. The following scene takes place in Chapter One, when Moriah notices men from the northern kingdom of Edom on the steamer deck below her (the "dark thoughts" will be expanded on later):
Moriah shook her head to stop the dark thoughts from coming, and saw six tall, fair-haired men, probably from Edom, at the back of the crowd around the priest. The men wore longcoats lined with thick furs and remained silent when the other humans cheered the Brother on. Moriah frowned. The Edomi didn’t leave their northern kingdom if they could help it. Especially not since the civil war that left their capital city in ruins.
A blonde Edomi tapped a white-haired comrade on the shoulder, and pointed to Moriah when the other man turned. The white-haired man scowled. Moriah gave a little wave. A show of possible friendship was never out of place. Even if she had played a part in ruining their capital. The blonde Edomi walked away from his fellows after a brief conversation. Moriah dropped her hand to her gun. Half a minute later, the blonde Edomi stood at the railing beside her.
“Kvedja, Moriah Rowani,” the Edomi said. “We did not expect to see you here.” His full beard covered a face that had seen many years of fighting. Perhaps during the mercenary work the northerners loved to hire themselves out for.
“Greetings to you as well, drengr warrior,” Moriah said. “I am returning home. What is the purpose for your trip?”
“Our business is our own.” The mercenary looked at her with one bushy eyebrow raised. Like he was daring her to press further. The men of Edom loved to trap people with their own words. She hadn’t been taken in with that trick for years.
“Has San Jacobo been rebuilt yet?”
“The virki lies in ruins after you and your eidbondi destroyed it. It remains as such to remind us what happens when foreigners intervene in things that do not concern them.”
“No man has claim over me.” Moriah surprised herself by keeping her voice level. “Least of all Nicolai Drovgor.”
“We understand.” The Edomi looked at his comrades, nodded, and then turned to her. “I must return to my countrymen. May the Njordr smile on you, Moriah Rowani.”
“And may Donani always protect you from Appolyon’s ill will, drengr.” Moriah bowed her head and pounded her chest in the traditional Edomi farewell. The bearded man smiled and repeated the gesture. Other passengers gave the lanky man a wide berth when he walked away. The well-known reputation of Edomi fighters to kill men for looking at them wrong kept them back.
Let me know what you think of this, loyal readers. I'm moving right along on those rewrites. Hopefully this thing will be ready to send out for another round in about a month or so (if work and life cooperate that is).