Thursday, October 8, 2009

New Query

There's going to be this short-ish post and a longer one later today (maybe), but I wanted to draw attention to my new query over at Public Query Slushpile.

The hook for CALLARION AT NIGHT is giving me a lot of problems. For SON OF MAGIC, the hook's easy -- "Engineering student Swain Kirby remembers things that never happened to him." BAM! Done, and it tells you what the main crux of that volume is.

Moriah Rowani's story (CALLARION AT NIGHT's MC) is more difficult to encapsulate. Her father's death is the catalyst for the story, but I don't know how to get across the fact that he dies on her first day back in the city without getting too detailed. That's why, if you look at version 1 and version 2, the hook is So. Effing. Long.

I might just need to finish this revision of the story and get it out of my head for awhile. That's what allowed me to come up with the hook for SON OF MAGIC so readily. It's a thought at least.


L. T. Host said...

I'll head over in a bit and take a peek!

Davin Malasarn said...

I just read your most recent query and part of version 2. I don't think you're too far off from having a good hook, but right now the recent version leaves too many things unexplained for my taste. I like that in version 2 you explain how Moriah's father was killed. In the recent version I also wonder how she stumbles upon the first clue to her mother's diary. But, overall, I think it's quite clear and engaging. I get a sense of the story, and you included details that I find interesting. I think it's very strong and could just use a little bit more polish.

Susan R. Mills said...

Query letters are tough, aren't they? I've rewritten mine at least a dozen times. I find the hook especially difficult. Good luck.

Natalie said...

I'm kind of terrible at query letter writing and even worst at giving query advice, so I usually try to avoid it. But I did read all three of your letters. I felt that the second one was the strongest. The third one was a little too detailed for my taste. (I did like the hook better though). I'm sorry I can't come up with something more useful!

L. T. Host said...

Ok, so I'm not having as much free time at work today as I thought. I will look at it tonight and email you though.